life

Ya...yet one thing is sure, life is like mirage and it is only the creator of it
that has the solution to it's untold mysteries......

This week-need list

Another week...
Time really flied...

So many thing happen in my lives..
day by day passing by .... daily facing different people, circumstance...
How i wish i will not live under the control of the situation or people expectation...
How i wish i can be a joyful girl...despite all the circumstances.


Thank god for this morning. Thanks for refreshing my mind, my soul, my heart, my spirit.
Thank god for the sunshine...it make me feel glad, hope and strength.
Thru the nature, lord you comfort me...

Lord, this new week i pray for a new and good start.
Lord, this new week i pray for the full strength.
Lord, this new week i pray for your protection.
Lord, this new week. i pray for healing.
Lord, this new week, i pray for joy, peace and love in you.
Lord, this new week, i pray for the trust in you.
Lord, this new week, i pray for the hope.
Lord, this new week. i pray for the freedom from my stronghold.
Lord, this new week, i pray for courageous.
Lord, this new week, i pray for your presence.
Lord, this new week, i pray for your encouragement and comfort.
Lord, this new week, i pray for wisdom and knowledge.
Lord, Restore me...
I need you...

and teach me to give thanks even in the situation i can't see..

Lord thank for remind me, i am weak in you but be strong thru you.

lord, uphold all my loved one to you...
My family, relative, friends, church mates, c0lleagues..and others ..unto your hand.
May your salvation fall upon them...and may they themselve can experience your
love, joy , peace and your presence and power.

Lord, thanks for your grace. I pray and fully uphold everything unto your hand.
In jesus name, I pray . Amen

UNCERTAINLY

Finally, I come back to blog again...

Today, my marketing Director have terminated my sales manager with immediate effect. What a shock to me... is so sudden..and I can see their both face each is in a different color...

My Sales manager have fight the battle in our company almost 5 years+. I can't deniel his hardwork and perseverence. However, my both director and manager have their own way doing their sales and followup, each can't comprise and finally end up with this unhappy result.

It was quite sad to me. I have been joinedthis company already 2 year plus. I know my sales manager quite well, and we are helping each other many time. He was such a helpful work-partner and i know he had changed a lot and have put a lot of effort in his careeer. I know he love the job and he need the job. However, theway he's doing sales still can't meet my diretor demand...

This incident let me see the life is so uncertainly, may it be the job...
What ever we have in our life...

This few weeks, the word"uncertainly" is just surrounded me, prompting me...
Uncertainly of life, career, study, future...

How am i going to face all these uncertainly in my life?
I know i am the one who easily been discouraged, disppointed...
A lot of time i am too focus to the circumstances, people, expectation, my own understanding, ...

I know i need to learn.
In this unpredicatble life, I know how weak i am. I can't do anything to change the thing.
but I know in my weak, i got god that make me strong.
I know man will fail me many time even myself but god will never. He is so faithful.
In my weak i know He, my god is my only hope and the one i can put my trust to..

Lord, may you restore my hope in you once again. I need your grace and mercy. I need you.
rerfesh me, father. There is alot time i believe of what i see. Help me and forgive me of my unbelieve.

Father, i want to put my eye on you.
continue keep my heart holy and pure, open and soft, humber and teacheble before you.


(Proverb 3: 5-6)


5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Special Case 2

15/10- Finally shifted...at night...
Wah...one lorry full with my stuffs...
Thanks for my brothers help... their offer is a big help for me


16/10 - Morning ,See the doc.... Is the tiring part i ever met...
While doing the ultrasound, the doctor started to scan my breast.
She look serious and asked me few questions whereby my heart have started to shake..
Do you have any family record in breast cancer?
Do you feel pain...

I scare to answer. i am afraid the answer will come out with the result from their face...
Almost half an hour... not the physical pain..( though there are so many uncomfortable) but is emotion and mentally.. I keep on ask god for help, for grace, for mercy... I knew i am weak and i do not have strength at all...I lost, I fear...

especially when doc asked "Do you feel tired? and she answered herself, " I am tired "
Does she know every word and expression of her will infullence me?
I 'm really tired...

noon- comcare
after a snap.. feel better...at least my emotion been refreshed..
continue my day...with comcare....
quite a fruitful day

Evening - when i start to share with sandra and innsiew of my case..
I know my faith have been waiving once again...

Night....

facing fear attack...
I scare.. I am in fear...
So many negative thought just come into my mind..
I have been overwhelmed by fear... I started to tremble...
I am hopeless..I can see the path infront of me..
I am surrounded by darkness..
I started send sms to my shepherd , Ul , gm...to seek help..
laying on the bed, trembling,...waiting...

finally, my shepherd called.
Through the phone, we praise and worship
Through the phone, we pray
Through the phone, she led my focus back to God

My UL called.
I just told her I'm fear... is so uncertain..
I hope that there is someway out...
She assured me I am not alone... i got family with me...
we can't control the future but one step at the time to walk..
If i want to cry..then cry...
If you are fear...is alright, is normal...
She shared her experience...

"His word is the lamp of the feet," strike me very much ...

Finally i cried badly...

on Sun...
i thank god for refresh me...
His songs comfort me...assure me...
His presence is there for me...

and one lyrics strike me is...
we can not do anything to repay,but only thru praises ...

even the paul spirit inspire me...
We are running the race...

I know wherever i go, he will never forsake me..
He will be my strength and i will stand on the rock no matter how darkness of the surrounding of me...
he is my stronghold.

Special case1

Should I write on the blog??
Finally..I decide to put into the blog
May be blog is one way for me to lay down all my thinking, feeling, ...

On 25/9/05 (sat)
I am realised my right side breast have a lump after the check up. That time i really don't know how to react. Not a fear but my mind just blank...well, not much time to think about that, rush to chalet to celebrate and help up my sister tricia. She is waiting for me.

At night have told Josh...my shepherd.

On 26/9/05 (sun)
After breakfast, mandy, lirong and me started to worship god...
I know God is comforting me... He know I try to cover up all my feeling
but he release me and i cry... I felt so uncertainly.
but I remember his grace is sufficient for me.

Evening,I have told Inn siew about my case...she gave me info and offer her help to accompany me...I thank god i can tell her naturally. At least I know someone is there for me.
I am tired...

....Days passed by....

never thought of the sickness....
may be too busy with some other things....
or too tired to think...a hectic schedule...

but realised something change...
My emotion started flow up and down....frustrated, angry easily.
What happened to me. Especially in cg on 29-9 , I realised
my heart have closed up... I showed unfriendly face to my care group members

I feel bad..but the emotion is so strong....don't feel want to talk to them
after cg just want to left the place...

on 6/10-- -
After combine cg, when meet up them at maxwell...
the emotion come again...I really feel bad
i know i have been affected cg...
along the way,..i feel sad. Grieve.
I know is HS. He grieve of my react.
what happen to me? how?
Last, i m realised my bitterness spirit grow...

I know I shouldn't...at night i pray through....
use kelly lessons " freedom of christ" to renounce of the sickness, struggle, fear, bitterness..
Thank god for the lesson.

7/10
I know i should appologize to tricia. I send her sms...
i want to believe what i pray...i want to believe God...

8/10
I met my sheep...accompany her doing the blood test to test tyroid...
half a day gone ..give myself a snap...
Sleep almost from 5pm to night

9/10
Start to busy with planning desmond birthday

10/10
help my friend buy baby stuff

11/10
Arrange mover.
meet with GM at AMK
to do the breast check out - and arrangement appointment for ultrasound
which is yearterday. the doctor look serious. after seeing doc, I sense the seriuos
of my case. I know i have to face it. I know is a time to think about it.

Though my heart and mind been bombak once again. Thank god for Gm accompany me.
Though she didn't talk much about sickness but she remind me of god grace.
Actually we are so fortune of what we have. We are blessed one.
I am agreed. indeed is true. nomatter how strong is the wind or storm, i know i have one big family that they continually keep me in prayer. they Pay concern to me and never give me up. they spend their time with me...

Mandy called...her call almost make me cry.. their concern remind me i am not alone..
I thank god for his people. even thank god use his people to encourage me.

Along the way in mrt, sudddenly the fear attack..
the voice come to my mind...
My mum case come to my mind again.
The sad word, the uncertainly.. dug out all my fear and make me hopeless...
The fear come again. ..

I sent sms to shepherd need her cover me in prayer. Thank god for her accompany.
At least can drag my attention out from the fear situation.
She talk and share with me...
just stay focus to god...she talk about eternal life..
thank god through the sharing and prayer, i have released from the fear...

I shouldn't live in fear but face everything with strong and courageous
he is good and is with me.
I have to believe..and trust...
he will back me up..

Shelter

Finally, I have found a place to shift. Is a Desmond's uncle house.

Thanks God for providing me a place that is quite centrelised and some more is nearby market and my working place. It will be a new start for me. I have stayed at Tampines almost 5 years, I have used to Tampines and even the market, shopping mall there. Now, I have to start all over again. ( I means the direction and environment)

Well, quite excited is I can invite my friends to this house for fellowship. I can have my own private space. I can decorate my room more comfortably. Well, I also know that I have to be more self discipline and not abuse the resources given by my heavenly father.

Anyway, finally the case of shifting almost come to the end. Thank God for his deliverance and throughout this shifting case, i learned something valuable lessons.

Thank you lord :) ....