Special Case 2

15/10- Finally shifted...at night...
Wah...one lorry full with my stuffs...
Thanks for my brothers help... their offer is a big help for me


16/10 - Morning ,See the doc.... Is the tiring part i ever met...
While doing the ultrasound, the doctor started to scan my breast.
She look serious and asked me few questions whereby my heart have started to shake..
Do you have any family record in breast cancer?
Do you feel pain...

I scare to answer. i am afraid the answer will come out with the result from their face...
Almost half an hour... not the physical pain..( though there are so many uncomfortable) but is emotion and mentally.. I keep on ask god for help, for grace, for mercy... I knew i am weak and i do not have strength at all...I lost, I fear...

especially when doc asked "Do you feel tired? and she answered herself, " I am tired "
Does she know every word and expression of her will infullence me?
I 'm really tired...

noon- comcare
after a snap.. feel better...at least my emotion been refreshed..
continue my day...with comcare....
quite a fruitful day

Evening - when i start to share with sandra and innsiew of my case..
I know my faith have been waiving once again...

Night....

facing fear attack...
I scare.. I am in fear...
So many negative thought just come into my mind..
I have been overwhelmed by fear... I started to tremble...
I am hopeless..I can see the path infront of me..
I am surrounded by darkness..
I started send sms to my shepherd , Ul , gm...to seek help..
laying on the bed, trembling,...waiting...

finally, my shepherd called.
Through the phone, we praise and worship
Through the phone, we pray
Through the phone, she led my focus back to God

My UL called.
I just told her I'm fear... is so uncertain..
I hope that there is someway out...
She assured me I am not alone... i got family with me...
we can't control the future but one step at the time to walk..
If i want to cry..then cry...
If you are fear...is alright, is normal...
She shared her experience...

"His word is the lamp of the feet," strike me very much ...

Finally i cried badly...

on Sun...
i thank god for refresh me...
His songs comfort me...assure me...
His presence is there for me...

and one lyrics strike me is...
we can not do anything to repay,but only thru praises ...

even the paul spirit inspire me...
We are running the race...

I know wherever i go, he will never forsake me..
He will be my strength and i will stand on the rock no matter how darkness of the surrounding of me...
he is my stronghold.