* 24/1/06 * tuesday * late Eve *

Now is about 8pm.. still staying at e office...

So many things on hand need to clear and complete before go for the long holiday. However, it seem like today so many other sub task need to handle on the spots until today tasks have to bring forward to tomorrow... wat a tired day...

Searching net to give myself a break...I start to read sandra blog. i am so inspired by her blog sometime. Her blog always give me some brain storm and pull my thought back from the world (to remember of god again).
I like her blog... Dad is driving.

So many time we know some of the objective in life. but due to so many uncertain and fear around, we use to pause and hesitate to take out the first step. There are so many questions in mind that drive us to no where.. to the stage of confusion. isn't need we live by faith? Every thing in life sure will have uncertain and who else can gurantee tomorrow? But every challenge that we take do we really believe god ? do e really trust him and aloow him be the driver of our life? and isn't need We just need to follow every step in front of us povided by him?

I Always remember this word, in this worldly world, man will fail man, even myself(always). Only god, my creator will never fail me. Everything that he put into my life may it be good or bad, it is not by just happen or coinsident. but with his purpose and grace along, so that all man will come back to him and glorified him. This is his purpose for his love one (us ) to live abundant and blessed life..

Lord, Help me continue to put my life in you. In every aspect of my life.
I know there is so many thing happen in my life...that cause me fear and set back. But father, i know i shouldn't limit you.. and allow my emotion and own understanding to control my self ...

Lord bring my heart back to you.
I ask for one pure and holy heart.
And i want to love you with all my mind, my strength, my heart and my spirit.

Lord thank for never forsake me and forgive me . Thanks for so patience to me...
father thank you.

lord, I commit my everything unto your hand again. and let you be my direction. the light in the darkness. please take complete control again. I pray all these in the name of jesus. Amen.

* 24/1/2006 * Tuesday * MRNG*

24/1/06*morning* office

Ya...still 3 more days left...

Now, busy packing, buying, planning and completing my work before chinese new year..esp payroll..!!!

Lord, I pray that my boss will release the cheque early to us. so that we can use and spend for chinese new year. Yesterday, i have planned how to use the money wisely during chinese new year celebration at my home town. The more i calculate the more i find not enough. However, father please help me to be a good steward in the things you have entrust me esp in my finance and even grant me joy and peace.

Got to continue my work liao...before afternoon, lord i pray that you help me, grant me wisdom and knowledge also patience to complete my urgent work. Lord helpe me in my work place. I pray all these in the name of Jesus Amen.

My Shepherd...

Today 23/01/06...4 more days , I Will go back to my hometown.
How is my home town now? How is my family, relatives and friends there?
Hm... feel like time flies... so many changes in life...

Ha..also prepare myself for the food there.I miss the foods there..
This year, i pray for the fruitful year ..

Father, I pray that you grant me a safety journey.

Father, I pray that help me and grant me to have fruitful time with my dad, sister & brothers. Aslo with my relative and friends ... one year i didn't see them, hope they all are alright...

Father, even this time, grant me a peace and joy. Teach me to rest in you thoroughtly. I really need a break. God refresh me and strengthen me. May your grace and mercy overflow me. Lord i need your presence. There are so many things blinded my eye, cover my heart. Lord, may your light shine upon me and your might hand cover me ... that i may find rest and trust in you.

All the burden & worried lord i don't want to keep it....May you clear it.

Give me an undivine heart. Heart that is only for you & only one desire that is only for you. Fill me up, father.

Help me to rememberance of you whenever i forget, whenever i go. Teach me count on your blessing every single minutes, every day...anc remember that you grace is always sufficient for me.

Lord , my shepherd, help me, guide me and comfort me. I uphold and pray all these in the name of jesus. Amen. :)


Psalm 23 (A psalm of David.)

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walkthrough the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.



AMEN . AMEN.

Heart - Transit

Yesterday(18 jan), really enjoy dinner at Hotel Marima...
I like Shami, Sushi, tempura (mushroom)...etc.
We have Japanese buffet there..Wow...So many options for us to choose..try..and eat...Yummy~ Yummy~.

Ya..we were having birthday celebration there. Celebrate "IS", "GL"& "RN" birthday.. Three birthday gal..hor~

I think yesterday was our first time having reunion dinner with full attendance.
I really enjoy yesterday night with all their presence.. :-D..& all delicious foods around...thank god for everything. :)

Lord, thanks for giving all these people and all these memories ...

Morning - 19 Jan

Lord, I want to give thanks that you refresh me and father i want to rededicate my heart to you once again. Although I am not sure of what had happen to my heart last few week and currently, but father i have decided not to focus on my emotion and the condition any more i just want to look at you..and focus to you.

Some thought in my mind...

Am I perfectionist that i always want the way turn according as what I expected ( included my emotion and heart condition)? If my condition can't reach to certain condition that i expected , i will start to self question " what had happen to me? ", " Am i going to wrong way?"...etc ..so on...

It seem like i did not give myself a room/space to be in another condition but set myself have to always in right and standard condition... When i think of what i write above , i feel so scaring...What i have expected myself!! Think i should learn to love myself more and allow god love to break this High self expectation else this will lead me to self condemnation.. so dangerous yet always happen!! I am human, heart/emotion condition no matter how is still will up and down... i have to learn to accept good and bad season and same i have learned to accept who I am...with weakness and strength...

Father I pray that you help me not to fall into this high self expectation. Teach me to accept who I am and continue to have a soften and open heart for you to nurish me and build me up. Father, thanks for giving me this point of view and help me understand and be patience to "the transit in my heart condition" .

Father, I fully uphold my heart condition unto your hand.I want to surrender everything unto your hand. Father, u take full control of it and bless me father. Give me full strength and teach me count of your goodness n blessing. in all the way i ask for your presence, spring of living water. Thank for helping me realised this. commit and I pray all these in the name of jesus. Amen. :)

MIss My family..

Another week again...

Left 2 weeks...Lunar New year is coming soon...
I really miss my family, my relatives, my friends, miss gathering with all my love one...
I missed them so much and lord, I pray that your protection upon them...

I have almost one year did't go back to malaysia.
Last year, i have getting lesser and lesser to contact them,to pay my concern to them. I am really feel bad.And this year, I know i have to put more care, concern and effort in this area. Ultimately, they are my home- family, place- where i grew and is the shelter always open for me , is where I can get full support and love regardless who I am, is the place that I can lay down my burden

GOD'S GRACE & LOVE

Just finished lucnch... quite full (^0^)...
Sitting in front of the computer, "curi" time to blog..

Just want to drop down my "YESTERDAY" ~

~ PRAISE & WORSHIP ~TEACHING~

* God grace, God love, SONSHIP, Humble, patience, gentleness*

* HEART*

Yesterday, before "praise & worship", i thought i will be okie..calm..ready..
But when time is come nearer, i never thought the nervous come again...
Although have used to the crowd, but i never know that i will still face nervous..
until i have to go to toilet quiet down myself while waiting for the rest to come..

Thank God. It could be good to me for having this nervous.. Else I will suspect i have numb to this task..and also thank god that by through this nervous, i know i need god,need him so much, need his spirit to lead me and guide me through..

once again i thank god reminding me, i am singing songs to him and only him not to others or myself. There is nothing to be fear and nothing need to take hard. He required is our "HEART"..I pray that i can sing with spirit and truth...

Thank god for the whole process...may it be praying, P&W, sharing or teaching.. I was reminded once again of GOD GRACE & GOD LOVE.

During the teaching, the topic also reminded me the dangerous of unforgiveness & bitterness in my life. I really pray that god prompt me daily that none of the unforgiveness and bitterness will store/ build up in my heart. what I need is only god's love, his grace and mercy in my life.

Through the teaching, holy spirit also alert me to guide my heart and continue ask and allow god to lead my life. Humble , patience and gentleness must have only can experience fullness of his grace. Is really true... I realised now a day i am not humble, patience and gentleness before him and his people... May god continue soften and soften my heart. May god continue guide my heart and teach me, make me be more humality before him and his people..

Lord, Teach me and help me to be humble, patience and gentleness person to you and your people..


~ SHARING~ * FRIENDSHIP *

After Sub-D meeting , I have a great sharing with DM. Shared with him my struggles that I am facing, the worries and fear that I am holding, the thought / doubts in my mind ...

At least through some sharing, i have better understanding of my own situation and at least the struggle within me no longer stored up deeply in my heart...is such a released!! Thank god for him to be my listener and advisor.

Isn't need friendship is important? in my head knowledge i know friendship is important & is part of my life.. but won't effect so much... indeed i am wrong. Through many time of my struggles, problems, learning and growing, now i really see the important of friendship that we can share joys and tears together, available themselve to listen to your grumbling... always there for you , giving you support, encouragement, advisor regardless who you are.. I believe Is by god grace that I 'm gaining many "friendship" from people surround me...

Lord, i give thanks for the friendship i have from all my friends... and lord, may you help me and grant me soulmate that we can grow, learn, share the joy ,tear, feeling, experience together. lord, grant me soulmate.
Lord, I give thanks in advanced. For i know you never neglect my prayer.

Father,
I thank you. Ultimately i know i have one faithful soulmate, friend That no one can compare..that is you ...wherever I go...you will never forsake me but always available for me, listen to me, share my joy, wipe my tear, bear my burden and carry me through every seasons. Lord , Thank you for this ultimate present and grace that i gain.

Halleluyah!! Thank you lord for giving me yourself... teach me to treasure and precious you. Teach me to love you more ... In jesus name i pray. Amen. :)

Psalms139:23~24 ; Jeremiah 17: 7 ~ 8

Still in the office..now is about 7:10pm...
Wondering a lot of things....so many things in my mind ..

What had happen to me...??
I really don't know...perhaps i try to make myself not to think over..

Lord ... Is time to guide my heart once again..

Lord, search me o God, and know my heart,
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. (Ps 139 : 23-24)

tonight, father i pray that give a a fruitful night that i
may spend more time with you, listen to you, enjoy in your presence and worship you.

Lord , i found reluctant within me...may it be prayer, worshinpping and reading.
Why i come to this condition...what cause it???

My self ? My thought? My Desire ? My Pride? or lack of faith..
Lord i really don't have strength at all...
Lord, may you breath in your air once again..
So i will be refreshed...

I need you father....Help me ...

I long for renew...like Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts in the lord,
Whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water that
sends out its roots by teh stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;
its leave are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never
fails to bear fruit."

Lord , refresh me.... and forgive that is any not right within me.
Lord restore my hope and trust in you once again that i may gain
confidence in you once again. I may not fear but live my life by faith, full of

your grace. lord, help me through and strengthen me.
Whatever the burden, stronghold i lift it to u and surrender to you.
Lord, please take complete control and may your protection upon me.
grant me peace and joy in you. In Jesus name i pray . Amen. :)

My Year 2005 - Evaluation

What a busy week...Week of celebration.
Sometime I like to be busy...sometime I hate busyness...

Well, starting a year with busyness..is good or bad?
This few nights, before I went to bed,I tried to do some of my evaluation of 2005, but within a second i fell a sleep..ZZZ...too tired. End up until now, evaluation still have not been complete done. I don't want to wait until half a year later, things still haven't been done.


(Year of 2005 :-) question in my mind..)

1. Have i achieved any goal or objective?
2. Which area i have failed to "jaga" ?
3. What are the things that i struggle most and i haveovercome?
4. Any new weakness and strength?
5. How to improve or moved forward from 05 to 06?
6. What are the things that i need & haveto give thanks?
7. What have i learned?


What is the main objective in my life? In year 2005, I am searching for direction. Is a searching year?! Well, overall, when i look back last year. There were so many things happen. Happen too fast and dramatic until I can believe i have gone through last year...

Started evaluate my spiritual life in year 2005, I just want to be a good core team that give a good support to members, leader and god. Be good armor bearer for them. However, archieving this goal is not easy.. during last whole year :-

I faced different kind of disappointment from people, from myself ;
I have learned how to make certain decision;
I learned to look things from another angle;
learned sacrifice - come out from my comfort zone;
learned to surrender my uncertainlyand to put all my trust in God ;
Discipline - learned in prayer, read his word and obeying his words;
learned to pray and confess of my pride, little faith and unbelieve ;
learned to obey and allow holy spirit take control... etc.

There are so many things I have learn and is in the process to learn and work out...

In fact, I thank god, in many time, many circumstance, by (god) his grace, he has opened a door for me. Whenever i stuck at some problems, emotional struggle,( god) you gave me new perspective and understanding that i may let go of my foothold and stronghold.

Many time, I felt myself is like being stored in the box, no matter how hard i tried, i failed to come / climb out. Realised , Only through the way to acknowledge him and focus on him, then i able to see the way/ the light . Also through many time of being stored in the box i realised how weak i am. I realised human is so little...If really without god grace, can we really survive? I don't think so..

I know i am learning and growing in my spritual walk with god. But the more i learn the more i find myself so little/lack. Lack of understanding (about him) , lack to love him more, how stingyi am to offer love ...also i learn how great he is... how real and power he is..Wow..what a great god!!

Beside spiritual life, i know i have lost my attention and focus in my family, career , health and finance. I have lost the balance in all these area.

Family - Getting lesser and lesser to contact them, 1 year i didn't go back to m'sia. Getting lesser and lesser pay my concern and care to my dearest father, sis , brothers and relative in Malaysia and Singapore :(

Health - Not really have much rest and exercise.(poor management) Did not pay concern to my body and health . Not a good steward at all... even for the food i ate most of the time is maggie mee... :( so end up have a gastric and lump (that had just remove last year). beside i also did not sleep early, end up always tired and body ache... *~*

Finance - March to May is a most struggle month that i have esp in my financial. I have come out RM 2000 to help my brother settle his debt. mean time i unable to settle most of the bills on that month. Thank god help me through , finally i survive with little $ i have and have settled in the following months . Although is super (x2) struggle and stress that period of time but I learned how to save and be concioused of how I spent. Even now, financial is still a struggle to me...Sometime financial crisis will influence me to exercise " giving " as well.. Stress..." Can i not stress by $$$$" ?????

Career - last year, I keep on make noise wanted to resign. so many complain and blame from my mouth. There is a calling deeply from my heart. I know my motive and desire is wrong. Just don't want to stay and just want to run away from the reality. Finally, I didn't leave the company for I still not sure of my direction and that finance not stable yet. thank god now, I can see the objective where i want to go ahead. Temporary I will still continue stay and get experience in different aspect . Also continue learn to overcome of my bad habbit.. "LATE"

Overall for last year, I got gain and lost.

Nomatter what will come this year, I Know I have to find BALANCE.. Else ...Ruin...

In year 2005, i want to give thank to God for his blessing (of course his blessing more than below) below just highlighted :-

-Shifted new house ;-

- protection upon me especially before and after my op ;
- giving me spritual family,friends and good colleagues to support, encourage and help me through in my tough time
- Gain Authority favor;
- I have learned how to make certain decision;
- Have 2 good sheeps - become shepherd ;
- Able to start plan for some saving ;
- help me overcome my down period and fear
- every single day that (lord) you watch over me and bless me;

-send me helper; ........

whenever I go, lord i thank you for you look upon me and never forsake me. You carry me through many seasons and provide me my need. You are my comforter and friends. Lord, thank you for so many things that you have blessed me that i don't even can recall all..

Father, i pray that this year, filled my heart full with thanksgiving. Always acknowledge you in every single day of my life. Lord, help me stay focus in you and put all my hope and trust in you. Lord I am acknowledge how weak I am. Help me father. Help me that i know in you i will be strong and rich.

Father, So much i need you and i pray that your presence will always overflow me and strengthen me.

Lord help me through and teach me and plan with me of my this year plan.

Without you i am like lost of direction, lost of purpose. I need you and only you to guide me through. Lord have favour upon me....

Lord Forgive of what i have done and help me not to repeat it any more. Teach me to love you more and more. Teach me to love each other ( your people in this word) like how you love me...

Father i uphold and commit all things and myself unto your hand. In jesus name i pray. Amen. :)