My Year 2005 - Evaluation

What a busy week...Week of celebration.
Sometime I like to be busy...sometime I hate busyness...

Well, starting a year with busyness..is good or bad?
This few nights, before I went to bed,I tried to do some of my evaluation of 2005, but within a second i fell a sleep..ZZZ...too tired. End up until now, evaluation still have not been complete done. I don't want to wait until half a year later, things still haven't been done.


(Year of 2005 :-) question in my mind..)

1. Have i achieved any goal or objective?
2. Which area i have failed to "jaga" ?
3. What are the things that i struggle most and i haveovercome?
4. Any new weakness and strength?
5. How to improve or moved forward from 05 to 06?
6. What are the things that i need & haveto give thanks?
7. What have i learned?


What is the main objective in my life? In year 2005, I am searching for direction. Is a searching year?! Well, overall, when i look back last year. There were so many things happen. Happen too fast and dramatic until I can believe i have gone through last year...

Started evaluate my spiritual life in year 2005, I just want to be a good core team that give a good support to members, leader and god. Be good armor bearer for them. However, archieving this goal is not easy.. during last whole year :-

I faced different kind of disappointment from people, from myself ;
I have learned how to make certain decision;
I learned to look things from another angle;
learned sacrifice - come out from my comfort zone;
learned to surrender my uncertainlyand to put all my trust in God ;
Discipline - learned in prayer, read his word and obeying his words;
learned to pray and confess of my pride, little faith and unbelieve ;
learned to obey and allow holy spirit take control... etc.

There are so many things I have learn and is in the process to learn and work out...

In fact, I thank god, in many time, many circumstance, by (god) his grace, he has opened a door for me. Whenever i stuck at some problems, emotional struggle,( god) you gave me new perspective and understanding that i may let go of my foothold and stronghold.

Many time, I felt myself is like being stored in the box, no matter how hard i tried, i failed to come / climb out. Realised , Only through the way to acknowledge him and focus on him, then i able to see the way/ the light . Also through many time of being stored in the box i realised how weak i am. I realised human is so little...If really without god grace, can we really survive? I don't think so..

I know i am learning and growing in my spritual walk with god. But the more i learn the more i find myself so little/lack. Lack of understanding (about him) , lack to love him more, how stingyi am to offer love ...also i learn how great he is... how real and power he is..Wow..what a great god!!

Beside spiritual life, i know i have lost my attention and focus in my family, career , health and finance. I have lost the balance in all these area.

Family - Getting lesser and lesser to contact them, 1 year i didn't go back to m'sia. Getting lesser and lesser pay my concern and care to my dearest father, sis , brothers and relative in Malaysia and Singapore :(

Health - Not really have much rest and exercise.(poor management) Did not pay concern to my body and health . Not a good steward at all... even for the food i ate most of the time is maggie mee... :( so end up have a gastric and lump (that had just remove last year). beside i also did not sleep early, end up always tired and body ache... *~*

Finance - March to May is a most struggle month that i have esp in my financial. I have come out RM 2000 to help my brother settle his debt. mean time i unable to settle most of the bills on that month. Thank god help me through , finally i survive with little $ i have and have settled in the following months . Although is super (x2) struggle and stress that period of time but I learned how to save and be concioused of how I spent. Even now, financial is still a struggle to me...Sometime financial crisis will influence me to exercise " giving " as well.. Stress..." Can i not stress by $$$$" ?????

Career - last year, I keep on make noise wanted to resign. so many complain and blame from my mouth. There is a calling deeply from my heart. I know my motive and desire is wrong. Just don't want to stay and just want to run away from the reality. Finally, I didn't leave the company for I still not sure of my direction and that finance not stable yet. thank god now, I can see the objective where i want to go ahead. Temporary I will still continue stay and get experience in different aspect . Also continue learn to overcome of my bad habbit.. "LATE"

Overall for last year, I got gain and lost.

Nomatter what will come this year, I Know I have to find BALANCE.. Else ...Ruin...

In year 2005, i want to give thank to God for his blessing (of course his blessing more than below) below just highlighted :-

-Shifted new house ;-

- protection upon me especially before and after my op ;
- giving me spritual family,friends and good colleagues to support, encourage and help me through in my tough time
- Gain Authority favor;
- I have learned how to make certain decision;
- Have 2 good sheeps - become shepherd ;
- Able to start plan for some saving ;
- help me overcome my down period and fear
- every single day that (lord) you watch over me and bless me;

-send me helper; ........

whenever I go, lord i thank you for you look upon me and never forsake me. You carry me through many seasons and provide me my need. You are my comforter and friends. Lord, thank you for so many things that you have blessed me that i don't even can recall all..

Father, i pray that this year, filled my heart full with thanksgiving. Always acknowledge you in every single day of my life. Lord, help me stay focus in you and put all my hope and trust in you. Lord I am acknowledge how weak I am. Help me father. Help me that i know in you i will be strong and rich.

Father, So much i need you and i pray that your presence will always overflow me and strengthen me.

Lord help me through and teach me and plan with me of my this year plan.

Without you i am like lost of direction, lost of purpose. I need you and only you to guide me through. Lord have favour upon me....

Lord Forgive of what i have done and help me not to repeat it any more. Teach me to love you more and more. Teach me to love each other ( your people in this word) like how you love me...

Father i uphold and commit all things and myself unto your hand. In jesus name i pray. Amen. :)