Disappointment

( night)

Dear Father, my abba father, I miss you….I need you …
Lord, forgive me of what I done. …


I have taken 2 and a half days MC, from Monday noon to Wednesday. It was really suffered. Started with high fever, followed by throat infection, followed by cough. However, I thank god for his healing. I remember during I sick, I sms my dear and cg members to keep me in prayer. But many of time I asked people for keeping me in pray. But did I really spend time pray for myself ? I realized starting from first day, I didn’t really pray. Somehow I believe is holy spirit prompting me that, do I have desire to get heal? If my answer is yes, then even in sickness, I should pray & cry out to god and ask for his grace and mercy. Is my responsible to ask God for healing. Even people were intercede for me, but if I myself didn’t ask, am I serious and want to be healed ?? Somehow, this reminds me about my attitude toward God. Lord, forgive me of my wrong attitude.


After 2and a half day fighting with sickness, I have 70%recovered. Thank god for his healing. I go back to work today. But in the early morning I got a scold. This scold make me angry, disappointed, sad & uncertainly.My boss think why we ( me and my colleagues) always get mc and on leave. But do we really always? Does he/she know that the moment we want to get mc or leave, our heart have struggle long time before apply??? We are not purposely, but we are really tired and We need a break!! And we are really sick!!

I have scolded by lady boss badly. Her words really hurt me a lot and discouraged me. She let me felt that no matter how much I work hard, we still can’t achieve her target. We do whatever we can to stablelize office. But we are limited. We only can do our best. And we need balance in our life as well. Do they understand??


I admitted I have missed out a lot of her demands, instructions and work. But I really can’t focus. There are too many things on hand that need to be done. I have lost the priorities, focus and slowly I have lost my motivation. The change of job scope again and again…where is my direction ? in my career path, where should I go ahead?? I really feel lost…before this incident I have given myself two months to consider stay or left…it seem like suddenly there is a strong motivation drive me to choose “left”…

Lord, I really don’t know how, and how to face tomorrow…
I need your peace, strength be with me. Father, I need you . I need you to guide me through and lead me. Father, in whatever situation I thank you for your grace and father teach me to live a life that honour you.

I pray all these in the name of jesus. Amen.