主， 我需要信心和勇气。。。

有时用华语来表达个人的心思意念是最媲美的。。。

总是觉得透过我的母语，它让我表达出最深处，最隐秘，最难捉摸的内心与渴望。。。

时间过得太快了， 身边的人物已全非。。。使我难以接受这社会迅速的转变。。

一直回味过去。。希望自己存在过去式的想法，幻想。。希望一切都没有改变。。。

我似乎没有勇气去面对将来。。很害怕改变， 很害怕接受每一天的新挑战。。。

我怕失去。。

我的勇气，信心啊。。。你们在哪里。。。?

主，祢在哪里。。。

祢看到我的迷惘，害怕，无奈 和心中的挣扎吗?。。

主，请祢安抚我。。求祢亲自带领我，甚至背我走过这幽谷。。。


我实在的太累了。。。

寻找 。。。

感觉闷闷的。。。 不是没事情做， 就是做起事来没起劲似的。。。
为何有如此感觉。。 到底是什么让我的精神和冲劲 给冷却了呢。。。

寻找。。寻找。。还是在寻找。。。

满脑袋的疑问。。还是转不通。。。

心里满满的情绪。。还是压抑得无法喘过气似的。。。

我能寻找到方向吗?。。
我能突破所有一层层的压迫，障碍，自我。。。在次寻会真正的自由吗?

我实在的迷惘。。

I read below question from pastor Jeff blog...

"Jesus was often alone but never lonely.

People are hardly alone but often lonely.

Can you and I be alone and yet not be lonely?"

Is a good question...

Many people fill up their time with many program...just want to avoid to be alone or to be lonely... ...hm...i think people much more want to avoid is "to be lonely"...

Lonely can be anywhere, any time..even though u are in crowed place, even though u are surrounded by many people..., even though your daily program is full....

This lonely will drive u no where...This lonely will cause sense of emptiness...This lonely is showing the insecure in life...

I did experience before..sometime it still there..why?

See a few people comment "... we have father, son , spirit...where got time to be alone and lonely... " Hm..did i realise and notice this truth...? If i felt the lonely..what does it mean...?

I got to go back and seek GOD....only him can replace the loneliness in my heart. :)

Thank God for who he is in my life. “LORD OF ALL”

Lately, I was stressed by my work. Everything is seem so uncertain to me.
I was overloaded by work, surrounding by the pressure and demand from my superior and facing UN-reconcile relationship among colleague. All these had overwhelmed me day after day! And this pressure unknowingly had affected my other aspect of life especially my physical health, emotion health and spiritual health. My life is like roller coaster, up and down.

I was depressed! I was fearful! I was discouraged! I was uncertainly! I was weak! I was frustrated with situation where I am! My mind is full with complaining and confuse, my heart filled with bitterness…my attitude even worst!

Besides facing the work issue, my spiritual, physical and emotion grew dry as well. I don’t know how to deal with the situation and issue. The fears in me unknowingly weaken my faith. I start fearful of things that uncertainly in life. The more I focus on uncertainly, the more I fearful. My mind is full with negative thoughts that drive me nowhere.

With the struggle and helpless, I thank GOD for never give me up. I Thank God for his love, grace and mercy. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not in want. He makes me lie down in green pasture, he lead me beside quiet water. He delivered me.

One day, In the CG, God use this song to minister me. “Come to the father, though your gift is small. Broken heart, broken mind, he will take them all…” This is the call that God want me to respond…He want me to surrender…He want me to trust him… He makes me realize with my own strength I can do nothing. God also remind me who he is. He cares for me. He knows my situation. He loves me. With this encouragement and guidance, I find strength and hope.

Beside the ministering part, God send me shepherd as a helper and supporter in this battle. We spend time sharing, listening, praying and worshipping GOD.
I find release of my emotion in praying and worshipping GOD. The tears draw me near to GOD. With the confession of broken heart and mind, I surrender. I submit.

In the bible, Philippians 4: 4-7, prayer once again strengthen my faith in GOD. I learned to convert all my worries and fear into prayer and present to Lord. I learn to reject negative thoughts and cursing mind through prayer. With prayer and thanks giving, I find peace.

In the bible, Matthew 6:34, God remind me, He is sovereign GOD. Everything is in his control. His grace will be there for me and is sufficient for me. He is omnipotent, he is every where, and His verse leads me how to deal with issue every day. I learn to live in His grace and love.

And with verse 2 chronicle 20:12 and 2 chronicle 20:15 my shepherd sharing with me, I learn that, the whole battle is belong to GOD. This is GOD battle. I have to Trust GOD.

Day by day I learn to surrender; day by day I find strength in GOD. GOD reveals himself to me as LORD of LORD and King of King. With his presence, I find confidence and trust in the lord. With his presence, my hearts soften, with his presence I find assurance. I have a great GOD that I can depend on; I have a lovely GOD that never fails to love me. I have a faithful GOD that always standby for me. I have Lord be my shepherd that always know my need and ever present help. (Ps 23)
I know GOD is with me in my workplace, home and every where I go. He will never leave me nor forsake me. With his presence, I learn to manage and do the best I can, whatever beyond my control, I leave it to GOD. I thank GOD for Who HE is in my life that I have a new experience with him.


Praise the LORD!

Sick and Stressful month ~over~

This year March'09, is the month tat I see many time of doctor...
More than 3 0r 4 time if I m not wrong...
I'm really sick of getting sick again and again....
A lot plan and activity got to hold on...
Mind getting very negative...emotion very down....
further more have to take medicine...

Abba father, i don't want to get sick anymore...please heal me...
I know My unwell will affect my husband...making him even more worry...
Father Lord, please restore me and give me a strong body and mind..
may you restore my health....please

Beside it was a sick month, is also the month that i faced a lot of stress...
~A stressful month ~

However, Lord I want to give thank to you for releasing my stress...
when my stress up to very high high peak...God, you quiet down my heart...
I know is you...you are the one that give me strength and keep my heart cool...
You remind me of you in many way so that i can hold on to u again and again...
So scare to see my way to response to stress with my own strength. People around me so scared of me..and whole atmosphere change become very tension. However, Lord Your presence still me again and again.That i enable to complete the task with calm and cool... and loose my tension again.

Lord I start to reliase "How powerless we are that we din even know we are in the powerless."

Lord, Thank for seeking me, thank for listening to my prayer, thank for your mercy and grace...
Thank for giving me a chance repent to you....and learn to depend on u again again. In you I know I am safe. in you I know I will be secure. In you I know there is a strength.

Today I am on mc again. Resting at home...thinking of work..Thank God for reminding to take this time having quiet moment with him. Think deeply in my soul is yearning for it...

Before going for the HK trip... I need to spend even more time withGOD...take a good break with him .. and listen to his voice

Lord, I give thank and commit every thing unto u...May your presence be with me and continue guide me thru every step in my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

I need new strength...from you O Lord

Stress …stress…stress…Super stress...

God, please give me new strength…

Lord, let your presence be my strength, courage and hope...
Lord, let your presence still every movement in my live…

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want…
He makes me lie down in green pasture,
He leads me beside quiet water
He restores my soul…